30 December 2005

2 foot small

today was supposed to be the much awaited block reunion. the message thread on yahoo groups paraded not only the excitement of people but also the anxiety of those who can't make it. i was one of the first few to jump on the idea of having a reunion but sadly i didn't make it today.

it was a sour ending to a year of growth. my last minute bail out made a couple of friends livid. some irritated text messages were sent asking me to be there, but i already made up my mind. all i can do was apologize. one message hit a nerve. who was she to command me? they don't even know the reason behind the nonattendance...

last night as i was about to sleep, i had a vision. i had a vision of what was going to happen at the gathering. smiles will be all over the place, catching-ups and talking will be automatic. it'll be the first time in quite a while since they've seen each other. then it hit me. two years post graduation and first on the catching-up itinerary was work. i suddenly felt like i was 2 foot small. what work? i don't even have a diploma yet to be proud of.

yeah i've been there, trapped in a group where work was the main course. it's not fun. but of course no one noticed i wasn't having fun. i handled myself pretty well, my comedic mask did the trick.

so if anyone asks why i wasn't there, it's because i made a decision to lay off the masks for a while...

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