28 June 2006

tied up in knots

wide-awake at quarter to 6, i turn to the only thing that relaxes me other than a big bar of chocolate. i only realized recently that writing gives me a sense of peace, the answer to my sleepless nights. in a few minutes the sun will light up the sky, i can hear the birds chirping, i'm still restless.

i don't think it's because of my afternoon nap. neither do i think it's because of the cup of coffee i had last night. it's all in my head, most probably due to the impending conclusion of this board exam saga.

a few people have a feeling that i'll make it to the top. i don't blame them but i don't want to believe them. maybe they feel that way because of the confidence that i display, or even because of the high scores i get in mock exams. don't be fooled. i'm terrified even at the thought of being only the 2nd UP student to fail the pharmacy boards, i just don't show it. i've learned that showing fear won't be of much help. and my scores? i looked around and almost everybody had almost the same score if not higher. though i'm still holding on to my "miracles still happen" slogan.

the verdict comes next week. hopefully the end of number 2 in the list (number 1 was college graduation). everytime i cross something in the list, the next item seems more difficult. it's a jungle out there and i'm still a cub. perhaps i'm getting ahead of myself here.

27 June 2006

multiple choice

another day ends, another number to cross out the calendar. the highlighted numbers 4 and 5 draws nearer and nearer. i'm nervously excited.

only a week left. one week left. i've read the pool of questions over and over but have not yet perfected it. previous board exams have made it clear, mastering the questions provided by the Philippine Association of Colleges of Pharmacy, more popularly known as PACOP, ensures you of a license. i'm at about 90% but still not satisfied with where i'm at.

comprehensive and mock exams gave me an idea of how prepared i am. my scores would define me as ready. but somehow, i wish that i'd fail the mock exams. having good scores gave me confidence, maybe a bit too much. i'm not bothered if i'm not yet ready for the boards, rather i'm terrified that i'm subconsciously complacent. i'd rather have my back against the wall and work my way to victory than have a sense of security and take it easy.

it'll all be over soon and only time will tell the answer to this question:

Ron will:
a. pass the exam and will have a place in the top 20
b. pass the exam but will not have a place in the top 20
c. not pass the exam
d. not take the exam and would rather be blogging

join me as i pray for letter A. letter B isn't bad either but please eliminate letter C right away!

25 June 2006

moving forward at a standstill

i remember hearing the alarm, cheryl lynn's got to be real. the funk woke me up but i just snoozed it off. i still have a couple of minutes to sleep. the alarm sounded again, but i still chose the snooze button. for the nth time, it sounded again. i took a peek at the time. 7:29am. what the?! the pre-boards was scheduled at 8am! think. think. think. i need a way out of this.

should i text my classmates and just ask them to grab me a copy of the exam? should i forget about it and just take the day off? maybe i should make a run for it and take the exam in less than an hour? like a multiple choice question, i chose letter C.

by 9:15 i arrived at the review center with a few of the students already finished with the 200-item exam. scheduled at 8am-10am, i only had less than an hour to finish it. constantly checking the clock, i was already at number 150 by 10am. with 50 more questions to go, i just used the 30 minute break to finish the exam. i finished it with a couple of minutes of break time to spare.

12:10, the scores were in. and thank God i passed.

the countdown has started: 10 days left. but we chose not to attend tomorrow's pre-board exam. most of us felt that studying at home will be a more productive way to spend the day rather than a slow day at the review center. productive you say? im still playing time, playing with words, blogging about anything or nothing at all. i got to get my act together now or else i'll be nothing at the end of this.

24 June 2006

bring it on!

with barely 2 hours of sleep last night, i braved the pre-board exam this day. another case of body clock gone haywire, i was again struggling to find my sweet spot. knowing that a good sleep would be beneficial, i closed my eyes as early as 11pm. tossing and turning got me nowhere so i turned to conan for an hour of humor instead. but conan's not in, the cable's out. damn you skycable! next up in the list of time eaters was the information superhighway, i chatted the hours away 'til it was 4am. just great, you'll definitely be at the top if this continues. but as it turned out, the headache brought about by inadequate sleep would be the only source of displeasure for this day.

unfamiliar questions, 200 of them, gave me quite a scare. number after number i started to doubt if i was really ready. only a few numbers were taken from the pool of questions that i was so comfortable with, now i had to rely on what i've learned.

it took me less than an hour to finish the mock exam. i finished fast because i'm not one who will search deep in my cobweb-filled brain to find the answer that's probably not there anyway. if i know it i know it, and if i don't, i can always rely on my testmanship. the answer's right infront of me, i just had to choose wisely. and i did.

200 questions and i got me a score of 154, or 77%. not bad, considering the questions were virtually alien to me. confidence level: back to normal. July 2006 Pharmacy Licensure Examinations... BRING IT ON!

20 June 2006

3 minutes 53 seconds

between pages of drugs, pharmaceutical care, pharmacognosy, and pharmacology, i took a quick break. lying in my bed trying to take a nap for a few minutes while the tv was on, i heard a familiar tune. in an instant i was brought to a couple of months back, back in cavite.

my board exam-suffocated dormant heart was again brought back to life. three minutes and fifty-three seconds of music was a slideshow of my experience in that uncomfortable room that she made into pure bliss. her smile, her voice singing the song, and the funny faces she makes when i make fun of her. everything about her, i miss.

i'll just smile this off. nothing's changed. i'm still tied to my priorities and even if i'm not, she's still tied to someone else. tomorrow you'll come...

music video moment over. back to my study desk...

18 June 2006

never say never

last week as i was flipping through the channels, i chanced upon a duo of mice singing "somewhere out there" on disney channel. and then nostalgia kicked in once again. it was a scene from the 1986 disney animated movie "an american tail." it reminded me that it was my favorite animated movie of all time. but the scene was just a music video commercial break. too bad because i was hoping to relive part my childhood by watching the movie.

just a while ago, i saw the scene again. and knowing that it was just a commercial break, i was again frustrated and somehow wondered where i can get a dvd, vcd, or whatever of the movie. turns out i didn't need to. after the song, i was surprised to see some more animated mice and not raven, zack, cody or anyone on the disney channel. i just finished watching the movie.

fievel finally found his family after being separated for a long time, even giving up on the search at one point. "never say never..." fievel said to his dad. never say never.

i'm losing sight of the top spot but not losing hope. i looked at myself and saw someone who is not yet ready for the boards but will be in a day or two. i'm doing well in the comprehensive exams but i'm still not satisfied. i'm confident that in the remaining two weeks i'll be able to polish up my skills and pass the board exam (with the help of the Almighty, of course), but only to pass the board exam and not to top it. i just wished that i had a lot more time to prepare. but there's no way to turn back the hands of time so the two weeks should do. it would be a miracle if i'm at a top spot when this is over. but hey, God is in the miracle business, isn't he?

by the way, i know what you're thinking. how would i make it big if i consume my time blogging instead of studying, right? gimme a break, literally. i just finished cramming 600 questions in my head and try 600 more after i log-out. so just help me by praying, a'ight?

12 June 2006

momentary lapse

4am and still wide awake. i just finished cleaning up our mess. sunday night was supposed to be a night of basketball but due to the downpour, the game was cancelled. and while waiting for the rain to stop, the guys decided to "lighten" up. a few rounds of san mig light later, here i am, assessing the situation...

for the first time in almost 2 months, i wasn't able to open my notes or study some sample questions. for this i apologize to the people to whom i dedicate this race. it was a momentary lapse.

but then again this maybe a good thing for a couple of reasons. first, it was my first day to break away from the board exam rush since starting my review. every single day for the past month or so, my world revolved around 8-hour lectures or on a free day, at least 600 study questions. and second, i may use this paranoia of missing a whole day for studying as a wake-up call. time to shift to 5th gear and get my prize!

11 June 2006

sms anonymous

for the last couple of weeks i was hounded by anonymous texts. it's funny how a text bearing no known sender could be interesting but at the same time, a nuisance.

once in a while you'll recieve something like "ei, dis is my new number." and that's cool and all but when you receive something like "can u b my txtm8?" that's a different story. now i must admit that during the first few months of owning a sms-capable phone, a "can u b my txtm8" message won't be much of a bother. a message like that might even be of interest. but that's like 6-7 years ago, now it's just a waste of time and money.

during the last 2 weeks, i've received 2 "new number" texts, then a couple more texts from friends whom i thought were sucked into a black hole, and lastly a message from a txtm8 wannabe. now the first 2 messages were ok, part of the routine. the next 2, were nice, catching up with old friends. but the last one, it was surprising to say the least.

09 June 2006

point of no return

this morning i was able to finish my application for july's pharmacy licensure examinations. im already beyond the point of no return. but am i ready to face the music?

last week was a 6-day non-stop 6am-8am pharmacology lecture marathon, i was able to attend 4 classes, and in 4 of those classes, i was a half-day late. am i not taking this seriously? of course i am, it's just that an hour of public transportation is too much of a drag. i'll come home too exhausted and would rather watch tv than study. and after a few hours of watching must-see tv, i'll find myself in pursuit of study time. it's already 12am and i should be up by 6am for another day of physical wear.

it's now the 4th quarter, crunchtime, the homestretch, where the men are separated from the boys. a time when weaknesses are exposed and poise under pressure is a necessity. something i should be used to by now 'coz i've crossed the finish-line before, this race should be no different. once again, i'll see you at the finish-line...

05 June 2006

in mark we trust

during a pre-season special of the PBA, Baranggay Ginebra's Mark Caguioa made a bold statement, and i mean bold. he said that the Baranggay Ginebra Kings will be the first back-to-back All-Filipino Champion in a decade or so, and if they fail to do so, he'll run through manila's baywalk with only his undies on. now that's confidence.

but as the season went on, the team was struglling and was down in the dumps. plagued by injuries, the team was on the brink of elimination. with less than 3 minutes to go in the 4th quarter and still 12 points behind, things aren't looking too good for "the spark". the commentators recalled his bold promise and started to worry if he'll do it or not. during that span of tackling the naked run, the cameras were circling the Araneta coliseum and found one banner which was very interesting. it said:

"In Mark We Trust"
manalo, matalo, makikitakbo kami sa'yo!

how about that, the Baranggay spirit was still there. "never say die" was still the anthem and guess who won the ballgame? Baranggay Ginebra 118 - Air21 114 in OT, with Mark "The spark" having a career-high 45 points. Next up is Red Bull, now let's see if the Baranggay's cheers will be enough for the team to feed on. The only thing missing is Sonny Jaworski's judo chop and it'll all be fiesta time again for the Baranggay. Gi-neb-ra, Gi-neb-ra, Gi-neb-ra!