08 January 2009

number 10

bitter, better, bitter.

i felt i got better. i didn't go to work a couple of days ago to let it all out. i was doing better yesterday. not a hundred percent but better. and now comes the bitter part.

i was better. i was. i did some housework and got tired so i decided to go to sleep early. and then i woke up, wishing to see sunrise but i didn't. checked the time and it was midnight. i'm back to where i started. checked my phone for messages but was too sleepy and troubled to reply. i fell asleep again and woke up again after an hour or so. all in all i woke up 4 to 5 times. and i was convinced i'm moving in the right direction?

i got out of bed, tried to brush it off and prayed that at least i'd do what i needed to do at work. i should at least give myself that. but the pouring rain and the blankness of the ride to work created a perfect gloomy setting, a haven for sad thoughts or even happy thoughts that become sad when i think that it can no longer happen again.

so here i am again. typing away in this second blog, hiding what i really feel, writing down my words of bitterness and emptiness on a canvas that hopefully wouldn't grace her eyes. i should really get a life. this is killing me.

this is blog number 10.

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