31 May 2009


my cinco de mayo gesture did not pass by without judgment. my head went back and forth trying to make sense of the decisions i made. i consulted with some friends and tried to answer them with much logic on why i did it. there were no clear answers, it's clearly a gray area. i hope i didn't spoil the party.

i'm almost back to my old deadly form professionally.  i've been training some young minds for almost a week now. how ironic that i'm teaching them paradigm shifts, flushing out the negativity in their thoughts while i on the other hand can't think white. the frustration almost always gets the better of my patience. hopefully i wont get tired of trying to fight it. thoughts create things. if this is universally true then i might as well prepare for the worst.

the term "relapse" is an overstatement. i'm not back where i started. but where am i exactly? i just dreamt of revisiting my family. oh how i miss that family. everything was effortless, you just feel you belong. i'll see you guys soon. hopefully this time, i wont be wearing a mask. a happy mask i thought i'd never need again.

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