13 June 2009

chasing mercury

yet another dream, yet another nightmare. open my eyes only to go through the charade of a good day.

once in a while i find a few to keep me company. some coping with somewhat the same predicament and some just waiting for some laughs. and from time to time she keeps me company. the girl in powder blue while i remember you. how i wish the nights wont end because the sun melts the conversations then she's back to mum.

i spill and she listens intently. i touch her but she doesn't feel a thing. i look at her but she looks right through me, her eyes set to the old flame behind me. and i've seen this before. the future ain't bright, and the ending, a tragedy.

07 June 2009

lipstick smile

eyes shut the for 14 full hours, i still feel restless. with only the glare of the sun as my reason to get out of bed, i can't help but think that my life is maimed. still lightheaded from oversleeping and still frustrated by happiness that was but a dream.

how sad the clown with the lipstick smile. forced to cheer everybody up, leaving nothing for himself. the crowd greatly appreciates but only through petty claps, no one cares enough to see that his smiles are fake and the laughters are just part of the job. i still have a few jokes and antics up my sleeve but i'm afraid i'll soon ran out. my magic hat is losing its magic, the rabbit inside slowly dying. and as for my finale, i'm still undecided; disappearing in thin air while covered in white smoke or wiping the make-up off my face and showing the world my true face.

05 June 2009

pollux and castor

the clouds are gray, a few minutes of calm before the downpour. i'll be soaked one way or another, more likely on the inside than the out. the queue of cars outside the window, the covered sunset, and the echoes inside my head could only reinforce the concrete covering my feet.

i'll be seeing the waves twice, hopefully in a bright light. a much needed escape, a much needed distraction. i know i've tried hard enough. the can of worms i opened up rattled me, pushing me back and forcing me to take a half-step backward.

i'll be making my body fluids a little bit thinner, a little bit lighter. i'll be calling on my favorite saint, making sleep almost automatic. at least for one night all the mid-sleep mindjobs would stop with only an upside down stomach as a downside. everyday is a battle, the war yet to conclude.